I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize