He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
