I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
