I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
