Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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