i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize