I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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