we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
