I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
