sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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