I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
