I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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