Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
