I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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