it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
