theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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