i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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