Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
