drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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