either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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