I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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