careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
