He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
