i will never coherently bang her
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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