so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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