Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
