I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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