So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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