my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
