Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
