One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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