He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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