You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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