i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize