I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
