Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
