its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
