if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
