My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
