My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize