i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
