let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
