fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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