Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
