The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
