I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Welp...herpes.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
