Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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