im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize