Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
