there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
