just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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