all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize