One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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