Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
