What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize