I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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