never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
