Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
