And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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