not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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