Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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