This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
