I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
