erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
